Peeking Down Driveways

For once, I was ahead of things, a visionary, but like usual I didn’t do anything about it and now I’m just one of the pack.  I’ve had this title written on various notepaper scraps littering my house and on my lists of poems-to-be for years.  It was a favorite activity of my artist friend Kathy and I, peeking down the driveways of downtown homes to see if they had an old barn, carriage house, or outbuilding tucked away in the back.  Kathy was always on the lookout for something to paint and I am one of the best seconders around.  What I lack in initiative I make up in knowing when to say Yes! to something fun.   I was doing a little drawing at that point, but I was more interested in journaling and poetry, and our walks always brought on inspiration.  This was work, you know, going around looking for hidden objects, things that were pretty, outrageous, or that just tickled us. 

One of our more memorable trips was a drive around the area vineyards.  Kathy was looking for vistas but what we found was a dog, licking himself, laying in a patch of sun in front of a shady, tucked-away farm-house .  Yup, we said, it’s a good day.  Laying in the sun and licking yourself.  It can’t get much better than that.  And we were just about that happy, relishing being out in the beautiful day, the wind in our hair, doing something we loved.

Now, years later, my small city has declared that this is the year of the carriage house, that they will be sought out, studied, and photographed as part of our local heritage.  I can confidently say that they will find wonderful examples, and will come across many a good story to go along with them.  As for Kathy and me, we were just happy in the discovery, finding hidden treasures, and imaging those old buildings in their prime.

And now I finally get to use my title.  I am happy all over again.

mondaytuesday

It’s the day after a holiday, so my whole work week timing is off.  I’m still mellow from the weekend and getting a lot done, both fun and practical, but my 5a.m. dream keeps niggling at me to pay attention.  I was drving on a road that disappeared, landing me in an interesting, but very dark woods, with a construction guy pointing to the side, saying, “there’s a couple jobs over there.”  That should be my wake-up call, literally, the clarion call of Get Going, but still, I feel myself just sauntering along with an it-will-work-out attitude that is somewhere between faith and denial. 

So while I’m reading about how great it is when plans come together and that you can’t live a dream without having a dream, and all the other wonderful advice out there, I’m making a list in my head. 

1. Do one thing to wrap up my job.

2. Do one thing to work towards a new job/career.

3. I learned one new word: flense.

4. I found an old word I had used once in an essay: moldering. 

So this isn’t the greatest list in the world, since I went from an action check-off list to things that made me happy.  That’s just how my brain works.  For you organized folks, I should really make #3 Learn a new word – read something interesting, and then I could put Flense and Moldering under there with nice little checkmarks. 

And maybe on tuesdaywednesday, I will start my list in the morning, and it will be organized and I will check things off and it will be another good day.

Idling in Inertia

I’ve been thinking about inertia way too much recently, letting several days go by where I have done precious little with my Plan B as I watch the time trickle away from my current job.  Not that I haven’t done anything, but it all feels like avoidance.  Nothing like cleaning the office refrigerator and microwave to get me back to my desk and paperwork!   So while the former is helpful and gave me the mental break and impetus to go back to a more tedious task, it seems to be a too common pattern in my life.

With inertia, we stay the same until a force propels us another way.   Whether it’s in a job, a relationship, or our health, it’s easier to stay the course than act.   And what force then moves us?  A job ending, a heart attack, a major loss…wouldn’t it be so much better to have that Plan B, or to change or stop what we can.  There are so many things we can’t control, that it’s important to deal with the things we can. 

One good thing, and I am all for rewarding baby steps, is that I’m noticing this inertia sooner than I used to.  The brain chatter picks up, saying, Look out, look out, rut ahead.  You should, you should.   It’s mostly negative chatter and while I know it’s not good, I am getting to where I can reframe it into something positive.  Yes, I should do something different, take some kind of step towards my new future, but instead of mulling that over and over, I will act.  I will create a force to get moving.  Even something as little as putting a goal on a list.  At least it is there to check off. 

We all need motivators, no matter how small or idiosyncratic.  For me right now, flabby arms and my blog stats are my biggest motivators.  Yes, of course, there’s also  the branching out into a new career, but I want to be doing that with tight arms and an active, popular blog.  I know that these seemingly minor things will make a difference – as I do anything positive, that movement will continue and I will do something in another part of my life that needs a little shove.   There is no judgement in inertia, it is what it is, so when we humans take on its significance in our lives, one of the directions feels better than the other.  For me right now, the body staying at rest is a rut and the body in motion is my future, and I just hope that I can keep that inertia, and my Plan B, rolling.