Posts tagged ‘family’

Rethinking Ballpark

I love my Dad.  He’s dependable, steady, hardworking, a great provider for his family, and uncomplaining.  It wasn’t until I could actual get a “visual” on him that it really made sense.  He’s a straight and narrow kind of guy, blinders on, nose to the grindstone, who forgets to look up sometimes and see what some other options might be.  I have learned from his regrets at not acting or taking a risk because of some internal should.   The house by the river where he first lived as a new father slipped through his fingers, and the hugging and kissing of his children that was too effusive was shut away until we had left home.  I hear his disappointment in himself, and even though I tell him how amazing it is that he learned that and changed has not seemed to soften that hurt.   I’m visiting him next month and wondering if he has more regrets in his life than joy.  I hope not.  What a terrible legacy to leave behind.

So here is the visual on my family.  My Dad is the straight line, just like the ones running down the middle of the road.  My first daughter is the jagged up down up down of a crazy day on Wall Street.  My second daughter is the wave, gently undulating, with highs and lows but without the thunder. 

And me, I want to be a ball park.  I’m at home base with a wide V of options and opportunities open to me.  My home run can be anywhere from first base through third base and even off to the edge a little bit.  I am at the mid-point in my life, the year that I have lived just as long away from home as I did living at home.  I have passed the age where my mother died and I get to see my grandchildren.  I am happy and healthy and looking to transform my own regrets.  My business card will read “What next?”  and my goal is to take as many people along that  journey of self-discovery as I can, making sure each and every one has that chance to see an open field and be able to go where ever they want to follow that dream.

April 9, 2010 at 12:45 pm Leave a comment

Writing Jesus’s Name in the Dust

“I just love writing Jesus’s name in the dust,”  an acquaintance quoted her now ex-mother-in-law saying as they finished up a tour of the new home and life she and her partner had begun back in home territory after being gone for years and years.  I shared my story of a business guest noting after dinner, that “dusting isn’t really that important is it?”   My story was at least free of any lifestyle commentary, but we still laughed at the veiled disapproval and passive aggressive stance of “but I was really agreeing with you.”  I think not.

So here I am dusting someone else’s house and tempted by the light felted canvas on each surface, wanting to add a heart or smiley face or my name, tempted by that virgin space as cave dwellers, tree carvers, wet sidewalk signers and graffiti artists have been for ages.  Even my cat turned into a billboard, her pure white sides calling for decoration.  So one Christmas to amuse the kids – what was I thinking – I outlined a green Christmas tree on her side with washable, non-toxic marker (no animals were hurt in this process, only embarrassed).  Of course the kids shrieked in glee, but I had not thought through the consequences, that it opened the door of what next.  There was a year or so that Snowball sported many the seasonal symbol, but the fun stopped when both pre-teen and cat had hot pink hair.  Everyone got a bath then and the line was drawn.  No more decorating the cat.  But express ourselves we must,  and spray bottles and food color were purchased and the snowy yard turned into a 4-color diorama of sharks and waves and snow swimmers.  It was great.

So here’s to all those artists big and small, to expressing ourselves and encouraging others to let it out.  It makes me feel like Peter Pan, hands on hips ready to crow, “I did that!”  The expansive freedom of seeing a thought or idea come to life is so exhilarating, it becomes the definition of life itself, and I can’t wait for what’s next.

March 6, 2010 at 10:54 am 4 comments


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