Contained Abandon

June 3, 2010 at 2:41 pm 4 comments

I hadn’t thought of Contained Abandon, my mythical flower shop and haven, for a long time until I walked past a downtown garden that epitomized the idea.  A little square of land filled to the brim with poppies and irises, daisies, spiked purple flowers and white weedy plants that are trying to take over.  The poppies are holding their own. 

I love the image and feel of Contained Abandon, the scared, shy girl on the outside housing the heart of an artist, demure vs. outspoken, robin’s egg vs. hatchling, decaf vs. high-test.  It’s the exploding into who we really are with no doubt that it is true and right and good.  I hate even hinting that the full expression of who we truly are could ever not be perfect, it just IS.  The IS that goes beyond any peer pressure, dogma, or self-esteem.  It’s our Buddha in the Belly and what is right with the world.  It is loving again after great loss, a child at play, and trust in life. 

Contained Abandon is what makes me sit down and write, it is the mystery inside that keeps us trying to connect with each other over and over again.   I often don’t know how people can keep that power inside themselves, and  some do leak it out all over the place, their energy and spirit obvious and contagious to others.  It is not surprising that we would gravitate to that energy, hoping to steal a little for ourselves, or bask in that glow, but how often do we forget that we have that inside ourselves as well?  Do we let that spirit shine or do we encase it in a shell letting it out only on occasion or not at all?

Part of being a Reluctant Success is not honoring that power within, not being true to oneself, not believing.  In my current job I find I need to convince people, mostly women,  to believe in their skills, to feel worthy, to own their own power.  I know I often need to be reminded of this as well.  I would love to get to a place where I didn’t have to teach this, that we could unlearn the emotional bonds we wrap so tightly around ourselves.

I was just asked the best question today – what is my greatest accomplishment so far?  I was very pleased to find out that I’m proudest of just being happy and of who I am today.  I could look with love at my struggles, my changes, the new challenges ahead and know that I’m the best I’ve been yet.   And that it will only get better.  I feel pretty good about that.  I think I’ll let that shine on through.


Entry filed under: Coaching, Life, Personal, Writing. Tags: , , , , .

The Reluctant Success Bobble-Heading Through Life

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jamie  |  June 6, 2010 at 10:50 am

    There’s one person in my job I always feel I need to convince that I’m worthy of their time. She has the same title as me, we do the same work and the only reason she feels superior is just based on the time she’s spent in the department, regardless of how much longer I’ve worked for the company. So, I guess that ties into your reluctant success, mostly because I feel the need to convince her I’m worthy. If you find out how to unlearn the emotional bonds, please share.

    I love the photo!

    • 2. ericahostetler  |  June 7, 2010 at 5:42 pm

      I am going to figure out how to break that mindset and do plan on sharing 🙂 Lots of undoing to be done! Thanks for your comment.

  • 3. libravirgo923  |  June 16, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Interesting concept and visualization – I look forward to reading more of your writing.

    • 4. ericahostetler  |  June 17, 2010 at 8:02 pm

      Thank you – it’s interesting going through your blogs, too…I like your style.


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